i permit you to call me
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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