I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
