they need to just BURY HIM!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
