i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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