he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize