Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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