He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
