hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
