If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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