Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
