i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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