Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
