I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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