____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.