You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?