I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.