i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
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Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
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No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize