Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS