So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
