I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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