She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
