I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
