girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
