I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
