What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
