just come out here and I will go home with you...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
