i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
