I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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