my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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