I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.