It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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