Having a random hookup so left but love u
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.