She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas