dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
