y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
