Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.