my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.