My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?