I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.