he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
