don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize