Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
