let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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