No, you can still breathe under the balls.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
