she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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