Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
