you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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