I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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