Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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