he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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