Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
