At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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