I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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