So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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