Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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