So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
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It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
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His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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