i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
