I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
