I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
