Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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