So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
