He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
