Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
