Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
