Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize