Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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