Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
