So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
