I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
