Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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