I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
