So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
