Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
