Umm I'm too high to move.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
